My Name Is Kenny McCormick
by Koi.Kenny
Summary: Everyone's favorite death kid speaks from his mind upon his life. Just a few rambles that I needed to get off my chest using Kenny as my mask. I don't really care if it seems out of character, but eh, bite me.


Just Thinking

* * *

I looked around the school, seeing everyone with at least one partner. Of course Stan and Kyle were together. Craig was with Tweek, Clyde with Token, Wendy with Bebe and so on. Why was I always paired up with Cartman? I was always grateful being with Butters, but he's out sick.. Did no one like me?

* * *

I sat on the swings in the park, rocking back and forth slowly; something I do way too often.

 _Did they really not like me? I mean, they never seem to care that I die.. Let alone they always forget the next day.. What pisses me off more is that they act all cheery as if nothing happened. Like seeing me get demolished or ripped apart is just another thing to check off their usual day checklist.. If that made sense. I don't even know anymore..  
_

"McCormick?" I heard a voice interrupt my thoughts, looking up tiredly to see the easily annoyed Craig Tucker in front of me. "You okay?"

I nodded slowly, glancing down at the ground again and sighed. "Mmff.. Mf."

"Well, you don't look like it." He sat on the swing next to me. "You know.. Uh.. Don't tell anyone this or so help me I'll kill you.." Craig warned viciously, then continued. "If you need anyone to talk to, then.. I'm here.. Okay? I'm going home.. If you need me, just come over whenever you like." With that, he left me alone once more. I only looked over at his disappearing body and softly smiled under my coat.

"Thanks.."

* * *

The next day felt the same as yesterday. We worked with partners again, this time, Eric had left me now. Who do I have left? I'm probably going crazy, but I get the feeling of being left behind. When I had passed away for that long time, they had already replaced me for Tweek. Am I not special? Do they even consider me a friend of theirs? Am I suppose to be that one kid in the orange coat who sometimes talks and sometimes does not even show up?

"Come on, Kenny! We're about to go throw rocks at cars again..!" Stan called out.

Gloomily, I went off of my chair and went by their side, following them outside until Kyle stopped me.

"Is everything alright, dude?" He asks, always being the concerning one in the group.

I nodded my head, lying through my teeth. "Mm.. Mmmff mmff.."

"Are you sure? You've been spacing out a lot lately.. Is it family issues?" Stan added in.

I was already used to my toxic family, so that no longer affected me anymore. If I'm used to all the yelling and neglecting, why is this any different?

"Mmf.. Mmf mmm.. Mmff mfff." I muffled out, saying that I couldn't participate in their activity today.

"Aww why not?" The boys complained.

"Mmm.. Mff mff.." I confessed, rubbing my arms. _I wasn't feeling it_ , I said. _To go and play. I would be going home instead._

"Well, okay.. If you ever change your mind, we're gonna be out here." Stan and Kyle waved at me as they ran off together.

I went home, hearing the normal constant screaming of my parents as I went into my room. There, I saw my brother doing his homework at the small table and my beloved sister playing with the toy I had brought her. I placed my backpack in the closet and took off my hoodie, being comfortable enough to show my face here.

"Kenny..! You're home..!" My sister ran towards me and gave me a hug. I smiled softly at her, patting her head gently. She's a beautiful angel who doesn't deserve to live in these conditions. I'll do anything and everything to protect her, even if I need to kill someone.

"Hey, Karen." I chuckled and went towards the bed, sitting down tiredly as she returned to her activity. My brother didn't move from his spot nor looked up; I wasn't surprised. As the screaming continued, he was finally fessed up with it and headed down to yell at my father.. Again. It's always the same thing everyday. Poor Karen gets frightful and cries at the sounds of items breaking, so I try to relax her and comfort her.

"Kenny.. Can you sing to me..? I can't sleep.." She sniffled out, laying on the bed next to me.

I looked around the house, trying to think up of a song and one had appeared in my head. I wasn't a good singer, but I was good enough to make Karen fall fast asleep beside me. I tucked her in gently, making sure she would not wake up, and closed the door to block the yelling from outside. I stayed by her side the whole night, in case she had woken up and was frightened.

* * *

During lunch break, I sat away from my usual group, drawing small figures on the ground until a shadow had cast over it up. Looking up, I had seen Kyle, Stan, and even Eric stand in front of me.

"Dude, we gotta talk." Stan stuck his hand out for me to grab it.

I breathed out, dropping the stick and took it, dusting myself off.

' _What's up_?' I mumbled out, seeing that we moved to a much more quieter place with only a few people around.

"Dude.. We know there's something going on with you. You know you can talk to us, right Kenny?" Kyle urged on.

"Yeah, Keeny..! You've been acting like a depressed emo chick on her period!" Eric rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms.

I made small balls of fists, glaring at him for a bit and shook it off.

' _Nothing is wrong_.' I insisted.

"Come on, Kenny.. We're your best friends..! If something's bothering you, then we gotta know what." Stan placed a hand on my shoulder.

I stared at the ground, not looking up at them. ' _Really guys, it's nothing.. You guys wouldn't understand_..'

"Well, maybe we can if you kinda explained it to us." Kyle sat us down at our spot.

' _I already tried to explain it you guys.. But you thought it was a joke! And you always forget!_ ' I rose my voice, getting upset but tried to cool my temper. I was growing frustrated and annoyed, something I don't want to feel.

"Sorry, Kenny.. Wanna explain again? We're here to listen." Stan gave me a supporting smile.

I stared at him, then at Kyle, and lastly at Cartman. I decided it would be better to explain if my voice wasn't muffled, so I placed my hood down.

"I can't die." I finally admitted, earning confused looks from my friends.

"What..?"

"I can't die." I repeated, giving them a pained look. "No matter how many times I get brutally murdered or killed off, I always wake up in my bedroom, alive."

Eric was about to say something that I know was going to be about me being crazy, but Stan luckily stopped him.

"Okay.. Uh.. Can you like.. Explain a bit more..?" Kyle asked, still clearly confused.

"I get torn in half, exploded, eaten by some sort of creature, run over by a vehicle, shredded to pieces, squished by some object, fall from a high place, and so many other deaths.. You name it, and I probably died from it. You two always say the same fucking shit like ' _oh my god they killed Kenny_ ' and ' _You bastards_..' But that's all! No.. No worrying that I'm dead, no mourning, no nothing! Just that stupid fucking few lines and I'm forgotten.!"

"Kenny.. We would remember if you di-"

"Let me fucking finish." I rudely stopped Stan. "And for some reason, I wake up the next day, untouched and healthy..? You guys never remember anything! None of my deaths..! Never! The next day is so normal like ' _how's school Kenny_?!' Or ' _did you see the news yesterday Kenny_?!' No I fucking didn't because I was fucking dead! You all act like if nothing happened yesterday when all I ever do is die! Die everyday! Do you know how much it hurts to be slowly squished or torn apart?! It fucking hurts! And I have to relive it everyday! Worst part is you guys don't even care! You guys don't remember so I have to deal with this shit all on my own! I've died I front of my fucking family for Christ's sake and do they remember?! No!" I yelled out, not being able to control my anger.

"Whoa.. Damn Keeny, chill your balls-"

"As for you, you fucking no good self centered fat asshole! That day when you said you were going to help me when I was dying, you didn't! I actually trusted you when you said you thought of me as your best friend! I thought wrong! Everything always has to do with you and you only! You could've saved my life, but instead you fucking made another K. F fucking C!?" I pushed him away. "That's why I always think, _'why am I even friends with those who can't remember one of their friends deaths?_ '" I steamed away, causing a scene by mistake and had all eyes on me. I heard them call out to me, but I did not dare to look back.

I might as well go home early. I don't want to stay here and get eaten by who knows what. I went to the park again, sitting on the swing set and swung back and forth.

For the rest of the school day, I had been thinking of many different ways to apologize for my blow up. It's not their fault for understanding.. Hell, even I would think I'm crazy. When I had seen the kids at school arrive at the park, I knew it was time to go home. I didn't have the courage to face my friends now. No, I'll do it later. Just as I was walking, I had been stopped by Craig Tucker. _Is he here to bash me for being a little bitch and yelling at my friends?_ I thought angrily.

"Here." He simply said, handing me a box and walked away.

I blinked in confusion, shrugging it off and going home. When I arrived, I had already seen my brother fighting with my father once again as my mother yelled at them to shut up. Karen was crying at the staircase, as I quickly went to her aid, helping her go up the steps.

' _Hey, hey, don't cry, Princess_..' I wiped her tears away. _'Let's go in our room_..'

She nodded, understanding my mumbles and both went up the stairs. Once we arrived, she quickly went towards her doll and continued to play. I opened the box Craig had given me and seen that it was a charm, shaped as a star. I gasped out slightly, hoping that no one walked in with me having this. If my parents found out, they would take it and sell it for meth, even as something small as this.  
I looked around for string and found a ball of yarn under my bed and made a necklace out of it. "Huh.." I smiled to myself, admiring the small shinning star.

"Wow..! That's cool..!" Karen went towards me in awe, complimenting the color and saying how 'cute' it was. "Where'd you get it, Kenny?"

"Uh.. I don't know.." I answered, looking down at it. "Someone left it for me at my desk.. Maybe I'll get another job so I can buy one for you." I smiled, seeing her eyes light up happily.

"Yay..!"

* * *

I didn't go to school the next day, too ashamed to face my friends and afraid of what they would say. I was afraid that I would get a call home and that everyone was going to urge me to tell them what's wrong. That's the least of my worries.

I didn't go out to play when they had came over and asked. No, I just stayed in my room. I laid there and stared at the ceiling.

I didn't go down to eat dinner, or anything at all.

I didn't do anything about my parents fighting.

I didn't sleep that night either.

This is my life now.

I heard a knock on the door of my home, hearing faint talking and multiple footsteps walking up into my room. I did not move my gaze from the ceiling, eyes heavy from the lack of sleep.

"Dude. Kenny." I heard Stan's voice. "You can't keep skipping school. You gotta come out."

"Yeah Kenny," Kyle's voice spoke now. "Everyone's worried about you. Even us..!"

"Keeny, this going to Farr..! You've been nothing more that a depressed white chick who missed a Justin Bieber concert..!" Cartman interrupted.

I stood silent, sitting up and looked at them.

' _Just leave me alone to die. I don't want to live anymore._.!' I whined then quickly sat up again. ' _Oh, wait! I can't even do that! Haaahh_..'

"Oh, here he goes again.." Eric rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, Fatass.!" Kyle growled.

' _Oh yeah? You think this is some kind of joke, Eric?_!' I stood up, walking towards him. ' _You really think I'm over exaggerating_?!'

"Geez, Kenny..! Calm down..!"

' _No, fuck your calmness_!' I quickly went towards my drawer, pulling out a gun as they all gasped.

"Dude! Kenny!" Stan backed away with Kyle.

"You're crazy..! P-Put the gun down, man..!" Kyle went against the wall.

"Okay Keeny..! I-I take it back..!" Eric pleaded but I continued to go towards him and handed him the gun instead.

' _Shoot me_.'

"What?!" They all yelled out.

' _Shoot me! Just do it, pussy_!' I yelled out. ' _I'll show you..! I'll really show you._.!'

"K-Keeny..! You're nuts..! I'm not gonna shoot you..!" Eric shook his head.

I clawed at my head, taking the gun and aimed at it. _'Fine. Just remember this! Don't forget and remember_!'

"Kenny no!" Stan called out.

I pulled the trigger and at an instant, I'd blown my brains out. I heard the final cries of my friends, picking up my body, but everything had fell silent.

 _Just this one time.. One time.._

 _I just wish they would remember._

"Kenny..." I felt one of them move me as I slowly opened my eyes, adjusting to the bright light.

"Mm?" I muffled out, sitting up slowly and rubbed my eyes.

"Dude! You totally just knocked the fuck out..!" Kyle placed a hand on my forehead. "Are you sick..? How long have you been here..?"

"How long have you gone without sleep or eating?" Stan added in. "Dude, you're a mess..!"

 _Of course._

"You were suddenly talking in ya sleep Keeny.. And ya knocked the fuck out right here..!" Cartman pointed at the floor.

 _Yeah._

"We had to drag you back into the bed.." Kyle finished, now placing a hand on my cheeks.

 _Alright._

I sighed out, grabbing his hand gently and placing it down.

"It's alright, guys. It's nothing." I laid back down, turning my back on them.

"Dammit Kenny." Stan crossed his arms. "C'mon, Cartman. We gotta buy some food for this kid.. He's gotta eat something." They had left, leaving myself and Kyle here in silence.

I felt him sit in the bed, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you sure you're okay? We're your friends, Kenny.. You can talk to us and maybe.. Maybe we can help."

I tiredly shook my head, staring at the wall. "I'm Fine.."

"Well, I'm not taking that as an answer. Kenny, you're sleeping over tonight at my place. Okay? If you don't show up, I'm gonna personally come here and drag you out myself. Got that?" Kyle warned.

I turned to him, nodding in defeat. "Okay."

Soon, Stan arrived back with the food he had said he'd bring, making me sit up and eat.

I felt like a child: Stan being the father and mother who spoon fed me my meal. Kyle was there to provide the games as the cool 'brother', helping me cheer up by buying Playboy magazines. Of course, I accepted them, but put them away for later. Eric was only there to eat the food and play, but I guess I was alright in having him there.

I felt like a child: Stan watching for my health as Kyle was concerned on if I was alright and fine. Eric had even looked at me concerned, but said nothing. I guess that was alright too.

I felt like a child: both boys babying me as if I were a new born who knew nothing of the worlds wonders when in fact I knew a lot more than they did. Eric gave me my space and knew it was best to not talk about it. I guess that was fine since I did needed my space.

Time had gone by in a blink of an eye, now laying on my bed and had been staring at the ceiling in the cold, dead, darkness. I seemed to not be tired at all, but then again, I am not suppose to sleep here. I had promised Kyle that I would sleep over there, and well.. A promise is a promise.

* * *

 **A/N: Ahh I'll end it here. Bleh  
**


End file.
